Published: Monday, 30th June, 2008 16:05
Before I go...
By Willie Logan
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“My days are different every day. I get up between 7.30 and 9.30am depending on how I feel.
"I take my first two sickness tablets at 9.30am and my last one at 9.40am and then I take my six chemotherapy tablets at 10am. So I take nine tablets in 30 minutes.
"This week I feel a wee bit more tired than I did last week but
I’ve been doing things about the house. I built the trampoline myself, a 40 minute job took me about three hours!
"I moved the shed one day myself so we could get the trampoline in and I cleaned out the shed.
"I found the trampoline quite hard to do but I managed to get it done although I was shattered after it. I also changed the front garden completely to give me something to do.
"These are the things I’m forcing myself to do. There are days I get up and feel absolutely shattered but I force myself to do things.
"There are times when I can’t and I need to sit down and relax. If I go golfing for the day, it’s guaranteed that I will have lost the next day because I’m so tired.
"It’s to stop me being bored more than anything else. I feel quite bored because there’s not a lot to do.
"I’ve even paid for my funeral so none of these worries are there for my wife when I’m gone. I’m getting cremated.
"I’m going to have a wee place for my ashes to go with a wee stone and something written on it at Hillend Cemetery.
"Everything’s paid for. I just wanted to get it done, out of the road and paid for.
"What I really want to do is get back on with my photographs. I take them and print them off on the computer and then I frame them. They’re mostly of the wee boy but I’m going to do a frame with just me and Karen.
"We’re taking Ewan to Legoland in Windsor the day after his sixth birthday.
"We are making a wee bit of an effort with his birthday this year just in case anything happens before his birthday next year.
"I try every night to do something with the bairn. I spend time in the back garden with him hitting balls with tennis bats or chucking the football. When nobody’s about I jump about on the trampoline!
"Ewan’s doing fine. He knows when I’m unwell and when I’m well.
"We try to live life as normal as possible for Ewan and for me too because I don’t see the point in going over the top with what’s wrong with me.
"It’s there and there’s not a lot I can do about it – there’s no point in worrying.
"I bought a DVD video player so I can film our holidays as well as photograph them.
"I will make a lot of DVDs for Karen and Ewan when we’re on holiday so they can look back on them three or four years down the line when the wee boy will understand it better.
"I’ve been golfing, fishing and I’ve been to the Hillend Tavern a lot on Friday nights too.
"I keep putting off writing the birthday cards for Ewan for every year after I die.
"I’m having to put a lot of thought into what I want to say, it’s not just a case of ‘happy birthday, from dad’.
"My sister-in-law is going to write them for me and it will be from mum and dad.
"My mate comes in every Tuesday to write letters for me because I find it really difficult.
"My dyslexia has got worse with my condition – my writing’s like an eight-year-old’s.
"I was keeping myself a journal when all this started but when I went back to read it, it was practically impossible to read so I stopped doing the journal.
"My days are enjoyable because I’m doing the things I want to do and I will make myself do things whether I feel I can do it or not.
"When I get out of bed I can be stiff and sore but once I start to do something I feel fine. My mate was going to do everything for me in the garden but I did it to make me do things.
"It’s to get my mind going and my body going. There’s no point in sitting worrying about how I feel.
"There are days when I’ve suddenly been sick but I just accept it and let it happen and I feel great after it. It must have been my wife’s cooking!
"I very very rarely do any cooking because I forget things. I would start doing something else and then it would be ‘what’s that burning?’ I will cook if Karen or someone is in.
"Every Friday during the school holidays we are going to be going away in the car.
"We will take the bairn somewhere in Scotland whether it’s on a boat in the River Forth or up to Loch Ness. We will go in the morning for a picnic no matter what.
"I’ve been watching old programmes on the telly which I probably have already seen but don’t remember, so it’s good!
"Thursday is like my day off when I just relax and potter about in the garden and watch telly.”
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