Published: Thursday, 6th March, 2008 4:25pm
Driven to distraction
Press reporter put through his paces at Knockhill
IN common with 99.9 per cent of other motorists, I consider myself to be a good driver. Unlike the others, however, I am a good driver.
These are my thoughts on being asked to tackle Knockhill Racing Circuit's new master on-road advanced driving and skid control course. Good to show off my skills, I think.
I arrive on a wet and windswept morning – positively sultry for Knockhill – and note that the driving rain renders the sprinkler system used to make the skid pan surface as treacherous as possible somewhat redundant.
My instructor, Alan Gordon, asks if I've ever been involved in a skid before. I can't recall one. "Careful driver," he notes and my smugness increases.
On the skid pan we step into an ordinary rear-wheel drive saloon except the rear tyres are, as racing slicks, essentially bald and, pumped up to three or four times the pressure of ordinary tyres at 100psi, rock hard.
So we might as well be driving on sheet ice without any grip.
Alan briefs me about what happens in a skid and how to correct it but it's only when we're out on the pan that the actions he describes seem to make sense.
Alan executes some figure-of-eights between two lots of three cones. I'm thrown about a bit in the passenger seat but there's never a sense the car is out of control as Alan hurls into some rally-style 'power slides'.
"Your turn," he says, cheerfully.
Earlier, I'd worried about making myself skid the car but simply stepping on the gas at just 15mph does the job on this surface.
Every instinct screams 'brake' but I follow Alan's instructions to hit the clutch instead, coolly steer into the skid and amaze myself as we end up in control and heading for the next cone.
"You've done this before," he says, which is the signal for me to overcook it, spin 180 degrees and stall.
Next, it's my shot at the power slides and suddenly I'm Colin McCrae for the day, hitting the gas, easing off the gas then letting the thrust of the car do the rest.
What a blast and I'm so disappointed when Alan says it's time up.
Next I get behind the wheel of a new SEAT Leon FR sporting saloon with Alan, who is an advanced driving instructor, watching my every move.
We hit the country roads around Knockhill. I'd been looking forward to this but suddenly it's like being back on my test again and my mouth's so dry I feel like I'm spitting feathers.
The SEAT is like a bullet and I enjoy showing Alan what I can do before he motions for me to pull over somewhere in Kelty.
"Do you realise there's at least two illegal things you've been doing?" isn't the most glowing of appraisals.
I'm picked up for 'coasting' on approaches to junctions and Alan talks a lot about the 'vanishing point'.
It seems like the point where all confidence in my driving vanishes but in fact turns out to be to do with road positioning on the approach to a bend.
We switch over and Alan produces a seamless demonstration of silky-smooth driving, complete with running commentary on potential hazards we may encounter.
Another hand-over gives me the chance to show I've been listening but aside from the odd slick 'block' gear change and better positioning, I'm driving like a bag of spanners, acutely aware of my, by now, gaping deficiencies.
Back at the track Alan says I've not done too badly but that's the point.
Even remembering a third of what I've learned in just two hours means I'm a safer driver next time I chuck the kids in the back of my family saloon and head out on a day trip.
Am I a better driver than the rest? Not sure but I'm a better driver than I was before I met Alan.
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