Published: Thursday, 2nd July, 2009 9:42am

Silly Blogger: The Box of Delights

by Silly Blogger

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When I woke up this morning I found myself in a terrible predicament.

Somehow, through the night, my body had undergone a startling transformation and when I attempted to get out of bed I discovered that my legs were shorter than each other! Both of them. Especially the long one. What was I to do? My trousers no longer fitted (and don"t get me started on my smalls).

Slowly and cautiously I raced at lightning speed to the telephone to do the only thing I could think of: randomly dial a number.

It turned out that I had called my local mail sorting office! Using only the power of my mind and my vocal chords I explained what had happened.

The young lady I spoke to (Mildred) was very patient and she volunteered to find a parcel that would fix the problem. She had a rummage around the depot, opening up random boxes in a desperate attempt to find something, anything that would help.

Before long (just three hours later) she announced that she had found a medical supply package containing a selection of stilts and leg-grow cream. Within minutes she had redirected it to my address, and within a day, it had arrived.

Thanks to Mildred and the leg-grow cream, the problem was resolved. I now own a pair of legs which are longer than each other again. It"s great when these things work themselves out.

James Spence is the author of Silly Beggar: The World"s Stupidest Begging Letters, published by Aurora Metro Press, available now from all good bookshops.

For more information visit the Silly Beggar blog http://www.sillybeggar.co.uk