FANCY seeing a foul-mouthed Falkirk woman - is there any other kind, cynical Pars fans may ask? - before 'she' hits the big time with a hilarious show on our TV screens?

That opportunity is coming to Dunfermline on Wednesday 30th June when The Moira Monologues makes a welcome stop at the Carnegie Hall.

It's a 'one-woman' show, a series of foul-mouthed and hilarious monologues from the point of view of "Falkirk's hardest woman", Moira Bell.

The twist is, the role is performed by a man, top Scottish novelist Alan Bissett.

He's hot property at the moment as his best-selling novel, 'Death of a Ladies Man', was shortlisted for Scottish Book of the Year and bought for adaptation by STV.

A film he wrote, The Shutdown, has just won Best Short Documentary at the San Francisco International Film Festival Awards.

And, on the back of a sell-out run in Glasgow, Alan is touring the country while the BBC are currently adapting The Moira Monologues into a sitcom.

But you can catch the full 'un-bleeped' version on stage with Moira, a cleaner, single mother, pal to Babs and hardest woman in Falkirk.

Whether defending her "wee snookelums pookelums" from the local rottweiler, attempting to seduce a teacher or belting out Diana Ross for the Scotia karaoke night, she is hilarious, hypnotic, frightening and heart-warming company.

Based on the stories and characters Alan encountered growing up in Falkirk, the show and the character of Moira has since left audiences weak with laughter everywhere from Orkney to Brixton. His partner, award-winning director Sacha Kyle, is the director of the show.

The show starts at 7.30pm and tickets cost £8 and £6.50 for concessions.

Call the box office on 312620 for further details.