A DUNFERMLINE man has penned his own obituary to the Press.

Eighty-year-old Bob Anderson wants to get the last laugh when his time comes and will be doing things a little differently!

The former engineer says he has been getting his affairs in order – and that includes making sure his family know exactly what he wants as a send-off.

He told the Press: "It's a wee bit different!

"I am of a certain age that I have to wrap thing up.

"I've been to a lot of funerals that are a load of rubbish – you sing a few hymns and they tell you a few things about the person's life.

"I am an atheist and a physicist so believe that you're just a set of molecules so I thought I'd do my own obituary!

"When I see other obituaries I think to myself that's not me!"

Bob's obituary reads: "If you're reading this, I must have fallen off my perch.

"No complaints – I had a good kick at the ba' with loads of love and laughter.

"Even the Grim Reaper chuckled when I explained about my rather misshapen nose, and he just about fell off his Harley when I told him the one about 'What do you call people in Purgatory?'

"No formal funeral, I never could be bothered with all that palaver.

"If you knew me – raise a glass?

"Meanwhile, I'm in my graffiti-covered cardboard coffin, being delivered via an old tranny van to the back door of the crem.

"See you – but not too soon I hope."

Bob is also putting his own stamp on things by requesting a non-ceremonial funeral service.

He continued: "My coffin will be covered in art and jokes by my sons.

"I discussed it with all my family and they think it's brilliant!

"I've left it all with my good wife who is younger so I think I will be finished before her.

"I think funeral services are all a bit pompous – it's not for me!

"Why do you need a posh coffin? A van will just take me to the crem."